I’ve been having a lot of dreams about my teeth falling out lately. I did some research, and according to all the dream interpretation websites, it’s because I have a lot of anxiety about upcoming changes and decisions… which is exactly right. I mean, first of all my family is in the process of preparing to move to a new house after having lived in the same house for the past 16 years. That’s pretty terrifying. Second of all (and the thing that causes me the most anxiety), is my study abroad trip to Spain in the fall. This is something I’ve dreamed about doing for years and years, and all of the sudden I’m rethinking the whole thing. I’m going to be living in a foreign country, in a house of strangers who most likely won’t speak English, I’ll be away from home for months… it’s scary!! Not to mention the fact that I have to miss my best friend’s wedding!! And then when I finally come home, I’ll be coming home to a new, unfamiliar house while still trying to get through my second semester of college! That’s a LOT to handle! I keep thinking about changing my major just so I don’t have to go to Spain, and I was so close to scheduling a meeting with my advisor to do it, but then I remembered that I got this far by taking chances and pushing myself to do things I was afraid to do… so I should definitely take advantage of this amazing opportunity before it passes me by and I regret it later on. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing!
And then there’s the whole roommate situation… a few days ago I got the news that my roommate won’t be coming back this coming semester. I’m both excited and terrified about this. I’m excited because this girl literally made me lose my mind (see previous posts if you don’t know about that story already), and I’m terrified because I don’t really have any other friends. Nobody else really liked being around her, she was always around me… you get the picture. So now I’m going to end up going to all my meals alone, I’m going to have to go grocery shopping alone, I’m going to sit in my room in silence alone. Of course, I really enjoy my alone time, and the girl NEVER gave me any, but I know that I’m going to end up being super lonely eventually. I need at least some human contact… so hopefully I’ll be assigned a new roommate or something. Fingers crossed I get along with her! But yeah, I’ve been worrying about that a lot.
Also… my boyfriend recently informed me that he’s seriously considering moving to town for the summer before I leave for Spain (since he lives 7 hours away). I’m EXTREMELY HAPPY about this decision and I absolutely cannot wait for summer to get here so I can spend every moment with him. It’s not this event itself that’s making me anxious… it’s the fact that so much has changed so fast. Most of the time I’m still 14 years old in my head, and every time I stop and think about where I am now and how different things are now that I’m older, I get kinda sad. I’ve spent countless nights laying in bed trying to figure out where the heck all the time went. I mean, I’m going to be 20 years old this summer! I’ll be halfway done with college in a few months. I’ll be living with my boyfriend. I’ll have a job. I’ll be getting ready to live in a different country. I’m (hopefully) going to be fluent in Spanish. It’s all so exciting and terrifying… I just don’t know what to do with myself!